Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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