Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
