Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
