My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
