I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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