You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
