I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
