Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize