I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
