Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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