Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Randomize
