She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
