i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
