Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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