At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
