dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
