You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
