She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
