My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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