He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
