I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
