Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
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I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
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You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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