and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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