My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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