The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
