"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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