you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
