We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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