I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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