: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize