I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
