Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
