a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Randomize
