margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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