Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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