I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I need to align my fucking chakras
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
