OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
