he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
