Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
thus making me awesome and them whores
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
