My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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