a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize