If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
