He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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