Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
