Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
