I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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