Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
