There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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