someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
