and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
