im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just high enough for therapy.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
