i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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