Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
