The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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