my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
