you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
