I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
