Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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