Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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