Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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