Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
