Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
