I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
