She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
