Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
