I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
