i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
