I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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