You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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